“A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard” – English proverb

As the ominous countdown begins for everyone BUT me, I’m still pondering my own life choices, despite my apparent confidence (being a third-year and all..). I am, of course, referring to the GAMSAT, which for those that live in the NORMAL world, is the medical school entrance exam, and as of today, the countdown has reached 1 week. It’s kind of like the QCS in that every random can sit it, it covers basic science and humanities/ethics/politics subjects, and in the same way that QCS seems to do, it dictates the next step in the life of so many people.  

But hey, who’d want to be a doctor anyway?  

 I am immersed in a world where every person is fighting for the same goal as me. Passing, graduating, staying sane, it rules our lives, hopefully not much longer for me. As Ben Lee says, we’re all in this together (despite the fact that we are all competing…). But though it seems we are all there for one purpose, apparently I’m the odd one out still.  

 Sorry, what? You DON’T want to be a doctor? Why are you in this course then? Jesus Christ, if I get that attitude one more time I will have to punch someone in the throat. I am struggling to get over just how blindsided people are. Yes, you’re focused on this magical experience, but don’t forget there are people out there who actually want to use this course for what it is, not as a springboard…  

I’m in a position where everyone knows what they want to do, and I’m still just meandering along, trying things out. Apparently, though, I still have to defend my right to do this. Yeah, I’m at uni, and yes, I currently owe close to $18,000 in HECS fees, but I’m doing what I want to do NOW. In a few years time, I might mature (might..), I might find something I enjoy better, and start with that. I am surrounded by people who are still under the impression that you are one thing for the rest of your life, and then you die.    

I’m not putting down those who ARE ambitious, who ARE goal-orientated, and who DO want to achieve things in their life. But why am I running all too often into the attitude that you can’t be all of these things and not know what you want to be? I don’t want to be a benchworker my whole life. I have things I want to achieve, but this is one of many. Why put blinkers on myself, ruling out any chances of achieving LOTS of goals, by committing myself to another 5 years of uni, plus another 3 years of trying to prove yourself? More uni is a death sentence to begin with. I AM ambitious, I AM goal-orientated and I definitely want to achieve things in my life. But why limit myself to one thing? 

The sad thing to watch is that people can’t explain their reasoning. All I’ve heard lately is that people want to be doctors a) for the money, b) for the respect, c) because they don’t want to be ‘boring button-pushing benchworkers’, and d) because they want to help people. I have never heard a more pathetic reason to go into a career than that.

Helping people – seriously, unless you are just some sleazy, advertising executive, there are very few jobs that don’t help people. Having a boring job would suck, yes, but at the same time, you find me one job that there is NEVER a boring moment at, and I will snap it. The workforce ain’t all about happiness and excitement. Respect is a poor excuse, because do whatever you do well, and people will respect you. And money – well let me just say that money is never an excuse. I can HONESTLY say that I have NEVER once considered taking up a career because the money’s good. It actually disgusts me to see that people actively make that choice.   

Really, though, bagging people who want to be a doctor is not the point of the story. A good point, but nevertheless, not my point. It’s about doing things for the wrong reasons, but most of all, about limiting yourself. Be focused, strive for greatness, but don’t keep blinkers on by allowing yourself to believe there is only one calling for you in life. I have a massive list of things I want to achieve, but because they aren’t all related, or in one field of study, I am looked down upon as ‘unfocussed’. Snort. I’m quite the opposite, especially when you compare me to people who want to be a doctor because ‘every other option is just boring’.    

I’m studying something I’m interested in (despite how much I hate uni), and later I will go on to study/work in another area I’m interested in. I shouldn’t have to apologise and explain myself for having more than one interest in life. Don’t limit yourself, because when awesome opportunities come up, you’ll be too afraid of ruining your plans to take advantage of them.

Wow, I’ve forgotten how to type anything of actual meaning…

I currently have many half written, pieces of crap sitting around on the computer, that I started, and then got distracted by shiny objects and stopped. Kind of sad, really. I have completely lost my any talent I may have once possessed for writing anything of interest, but I still feel the need to write. So if you don’t like it, don’t read it.  

But while the writing bug may have left me, the opinionated one still buries deep. Can’t see that one leaving any time soon.  

Can someone please explain to me why everyone has such a pressing urge for people to like them? We (as a whole) walk out of our houses every day, proclaiming to ourselves that we dress for only ourselves, that we don’t care what other people think and that yes, I am an individual, it just so HAPPENS that what I like is in fashion right now (and yes, I have been told this one four times). We live our lives like the confident, proud individuals we are, and yet when we are walked all over, when someone makes a degrading comment, we have politely learned to sit back and accept it. Go home, consider it, and act accordingly next time. Can someone please tell me when we all lost our minds and balls? Why do we all feel the need to fix our lives based on other peoples’ comment cards?

 I’m at the point where I am snapping out of frustration. Why do people need such validation? Strangers on the street look you up and down, get used to it. You can’t tell me that you’ve NEVER made a comment on anyone’s dress sense. People try so hard to not cause a fuss, even if entitled, that it’s becoming a matter of dignity. There’s a fine line between being rude and sticking up for yourself. I know that at the end of the day, I would rather be walking around with something I asked for, than giving someone the satisfaction of knowing that have yet again, berated a customer into believing they have no rights. And yet so many of us are afraid to ask for things, because GOD forbid, someone might think a little less of us. Even consider they may think more of you? 

It’s reached the point where relationships are sold out, for the chance at some miniscule amount of (be it false or not) validation. While a mutual, negative attitude can bring many hours of conversation between two people, when it comes to facing the music and admitting it, most people would rather sell the other out, before allowing themselves to be in an awkward situation.

My favourite policy is honesty. Again, there is a difference between subtle honesty, and rude honesty. Some things, you bite your tongue, some things, you don’t (or I don’t to be exact). In terms of attitudes towards other people, it is still disgustingly commonplace for the Two-Faced approach to be acceptable. What can you gain from any of that? I’m unsure why being honest with your opinion of someone leads to being shunned by society. If you don’t like someone, don’t kiss up to them, simple. If you don’t like someone, don’t hold large gossip sessions in their name, then turn around and kiss their feet. Having said that, no one asked you to be rude. As the horrible well known saying goes, if you have nothing good to say, swallow your tongue (I changed it to suit my needs). It’s not hard to just not talk (harder for some).  

If someone can tell me exactly what you can gain from not being honest in a relationship (ANY relationship), I would LOVE to hear it. Yes, feelings can get hurt, but no one is asking you to be harsh with the truth. Would you rather be living in a fantasy world, where people think everything’s fine, until one day, they snap because they know NOTHING about you or what you’re thinking? 

Yes, this conversation has gone from one thing to something totally different, but the main point’s still there. Why are we so damn afraid to be disliked? Maybe I was just given too much self confidence as a child; maybe I have too much self esteem. Maybe people live such sad lives, that they can’t live with their decisions, and need others to dictate them.